“I’ve seen a lot of penis” is a pretty standard opening line for conversation when you have the circle of friends that I do. And no, not because we’re nipple tassel wearing harlots, but rather because the new generation of what I like to call ‘Justin Tinderlakes’ have seemingly hurled their inhibitions away and have begun an altogether unnecessary, unsolicited onslaught of nude sharing. Swipe too far right and you may just come across Jamie 28’s tightie-whities and uncomfortable looking bulge strewn across your screen. One word springs to mind – NOPE. And let’s not EVEN get started on Snapchat.

Now, grown adults can do anything they so wish with their body parts. I mean, I’ve watched D’angelo in ‘Untitled’. A pack here and a peck there never did anybody any harm. In fact, it can do rather a lot of good when used to spice up an ailing relationship, or, if you’re that way inclined, serve as a digital stimulus to what could be the fledgling beginnings of a brewing romance where BOTH parties are excited by ‘what lies beneath’ so to speak. However, It’s the late night ‘trick dick pics’ or TDPs that I take objection to.

 You know the conversations that start with ‘so, what are you wearing’ and because Homie don’t play that, you respond with ‘the weight of my family’s expectation’ or ‘the cloak of the Lord’s protection’ and then said man sees you as some sort of challenge. Next thing you know by the time you’ve scrolled through WatchSeries to load the next episode of Being Mary Jane – BLAM. Penis. Either penis protruding from a concealed package or worse – pure peen. And as the saying goes, it’s often the people with the least to show for it that are the most confident. So I suppose for my first column to you all, a plea.  Go forth to your brothers, friends, fathers and lovers, colleagues and mere acquaintances. Let them know that unsolicited peen is NEVER a good idea. It’s (rarely) big and never clever.

In short;

Keep your TDP for those OPP, who want to see

Too much audacity may leave you with an STD

And ultimately, nobody wants to pree

Your teeny weeny.

And with that, I‘m at the end of my first post.

I bid you bonjour Amor.

P.S, if you don’t understand my Naughty by Nature OPP reference, you’re probably too young to be reading this post!

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