Foreplay has long been understood to be a positive and pleasurable part of sex. But while it’s often seen as the bit before penetration, we like to think of the whole kit–and-Kerboodle holistically – it’s all sex. Sure, a here-and-now quickie still has a place, but we find that foreplay – like any good warm up – sets the mood and the intention for the encounter.

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Here are 5 ways to shake things up and drive you both wild.


Reading that you have been on your partners’ mind is an immediate mood booster, and it’s even more tantalising to find out exactly what they’re wanting to do with (or to) you. The impersonal aspect can help uncover many hidden desires… If you have a Dom/Sub set-up, then it’s a straightforward way to outline the parameter for your play session, with messages like “I want to come home to you on your knees in front of the mirror”.

Starting with “I want…” skips guesswork and means you get right down to it when the time comes. Feeling bold? Try some suggestive snaps with toys or in lingerie. (Note: if you’re under 18 it’s illegal to send, own or circulate nude images. It’s not worth the risk, besides, anyone who really likes you won’t reject you for saying no.)

Sexting has been a godsend for many during Lockdown. Spending evenings (and even the odd day) sharing desires and being instructed on what to wear and do really keeps the intimacy alive…


Massages are an easy way to kickstart relaxation and communication, specifying what you want and how hard to go. You don’t need to go full spa experience, just get a good massage oil and dim the lights. Rose and vanilla inspireromance, whereas frankincense and sandalwood boost arousal. Consider some music. (Hint: Try anything from Fifty Shades.) Maybe strip down to lingerie to really make your intentions clear. Perhaps part of the process is that they get to slowly undress you? Or, start as you mean to go on and strip right down.

Favourite move? Run your hand down your partners’ spine and gently cup between their legs to pull them up onto hands and knees. Now that is a massage power play.

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This is a great one to follow a massage with, or even during solo-play, dropping ice or melted wax over skin. Try keepingthe items in your partners’ sight, so there’s an enticing element to it, or hidden so it’s more of a surprise. To really play with the senses, what happens if you add a blind fold? Or restraints?

Hot wax differs to massage candles, treading into BDSM territory with higher temperatures. They trigger smell as well as touch, bringing the senses into a heightened state. Allow the wax to drip onto your partners skin and enjoy the reaction. Make sure you only buy specific candles which are body safe and with a low melting point. Household candles will result in burns and possible scarring.

With ice, let it melt or slowly run it over the skin. Ice is definitely a less-is-more thing, you’re not treating sunburn!Givers, see how your partner reacts to placing ice on different body parts, focus on where the skin is thinner and more sensitive. Receivers, really settle into how this new stimulus feels.

Tip: Hold ice against your lips until cool and kiss your partners skin…

Interrupted tasks

Here’s the set up. You’re cooking, working, exercising and your partner comes up to kiss your neck, nibble your ear, lift your clothes and start stroking you. They do this until you’re suitably turned on and then leave. Yes, it is excruciating.

Try going up behind your partner and teasing them with kisses and contact. I think it works best when you don’t get to eye orlip contact, since it leaves you both wanting more, but have a play and see what works for you.

You could really ramp it up by deciding a day when this is the sole intention of play, perhaps with signifier clothes and specific tasks. Repeat this throughout the day, playing with the length of time you “distract” them, until the only thing you can do is sex.


While many of us have grown up feeling too embarrassed to talk about sex let alone sex toys, things are changing for the better. Owning a healthy collection of sex toys is now entirely normal and we suggest using them not just on yourself but each other. The Selection Box ( sells a curated selection of sex toys as well as quarterly subscription boxes designed to push you out of your comfort zone and have fun experimenting with each other.

You can use toys in partnered and solo-play to explore all the ways you experience pleasure, and you could use them alongside any of the aforementioned methods of foreplay. Maybe you interrupt a task with a vibrator or pull out a whip after a massage. Toys are not there to replace a partner, rather to supplement a healthy sex-life and enhance the experience. It’s important to put any concerns to bed so no hard feelings crop up. It really is the most encouraging, empowering feeling when your partner uses a toy on you, watching the look on their face as you moan in pleasure.

So, there you are, 5 ways to invigorate your foreplay. Be safe, experiment, discover what you enjoy and have fun!

Tips by Sophie Jessamine- writer, contributor and sexual thought-provoker at The Selection Box

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