Post Honeymoon Survival Tips
When we think of perfect relationships we often look to the stars (or our grandparents for some). We’ve all come across the term celebrity power couples. Brad and Angelina; Victoria and David, Will and Jada and not forgetting the most powerful of them all…Jayonce (Jay-Z and Beyoncé). They have it all; fame and money, beautiful families, exotic holidays and most importantly a solid union. For these power couples, happily ever after is less about growing old gracefully and more about living forever young.
They say it’s not good to compare your relationship to others, but surely it can’t be that wrong to try and mirror a model relationship like Will and Jada’s? Besides we can all learn from other people’s experiences and save our selves a lot of heartache.
Have you ever asked yourself ‘what’s their secret?’ I know I have. Is it wealth; good looks or talent that makes these couples a force to be reckoned with? Another key question which pops into my head from time to time is, ‘what makes them last?’ Don’t get me wrong, we’re all different and unique so there is no way one set of relationship rules could apply to us all. There is however certain etiquettes that we can learn to help our relationships grow.
I can probably guess what you’re thinking. What about LOVE? Two hundred or so words deep and she hasn’t even mentioned the word. Well that’s because love alone simply isn’t enough. The secret to a lasting relationship is commitment and hard work. Unfortunately love only gets you through the honeymoon phase. The secret to any ‘happily ever after’ story is, learning to cope when the hearts and flowers disappear.
Luckily for you guys I’ve come up with a simple (yet effective) list to help you survive the post honeymoon period.
1. Communication. Communication is key to every good relationship. How many times have you heard that one right? Well it’s true. Don’t assume your other half is a mind reader or ‘knows you well enough’ always let your feelings/views be heard. This is best way to ensure that they are understood and respected. A big part of communication is also listening and understanding what’s being said. So learn to talk less when appropriate.
2. Arguments. Every couple argues. If you don’t there is something seriously wrong with you. They can be prevented (sometimes) but sooner or later you will argue about everything from sex to whose turn it is to make the dinner. When it comes to arguments I say it’s always better out than in. Don’t take things too seriously because chances are you won’t actually remember what it is you were arguing about.
3. Sex. When it comes to sex it’s either good or bad. Anything in between is basically bad. Boring sex is very bad so don’t let it get too predictable. Sex is supposed to be fun and spontaneous not a chore to attend to at least once a week. Try new things (together) and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. The longer you’re together, the better you’ll understand that freaky sex is always good sex.
4. Money. If you have it, great! Just be wise with it. If you don’t have money or are experiencing financial difficulties, remember to work as a team. The worst feeling in the world is being broke and alone. Always keep your money separate. Not because you shouldn’t trust your other half, but rather to ensure one of you has something saved for a rainy day. You’re only a power couple if you both get money. Don’t depend on one party to be the breadwinner.
5.Chase your dreams. The most damaging factor to any relationship isn’t infidelity it’s resentment. Power couples are great individuals who join forces. Remember to chase your own dreams first and let them chase theirs.
6. Relatives/Friends. This is a really tricky one. Its human nature for us to vent, and it’s more than likely that the person we turn to is a loved one. Just be mindful of what you say about your partner/relationship when venting. What you’re feeling might just be in the moment and it’s a lot harder for the third party to forgive and forget.
7. Social Media. I reckon I could write an essay on the disadvantages of social media relationships. There is nothing good about posting your relationship status, business, issues or whatever on Facebook. Its cringe, you’re giving people a front row seat to your private life and it makes all the single people feel really crappy. Airing your business out in public only puts a strain on your relationship so don’t do it. Some people don’t even have their other half on social media so really you’re expressing your undying love to your followers, which is kind of creepy.
8. Compromise. Most relationships don’t make it past the honeymoon because people are not willing to compromise. Compromising is not about changing yourself for someone else it’s about meeting in the middle for a bigger goal/ purpose. People change and so do situations. Don’t get too stuck in your own ways or you’ll get left behind.
9. Let sleeping dogs lie. We’re only human mistakes will be made. However NO good can ever come from bringing up the past. If you’ve chosen to forgive, learn to forget.
10. Trust. Last but definitely not least important is trust. I cannot stress how essential trust is in a relationship. Not just trusting your partner won’t let you down or hurt you; but also trusting yourself enough not to do the same. Once the trust is broken things can get very difficult but if you can overcome this you can pretty much face anything.
Soraya Bongombe
